Insulting SMS Joke

Please select one of the following days:
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday.
And kindly take a bath at least on that one day because I can't tolerate bad smell.

Most Lovable Kiss: Mother's,
Sweetest Kiss: Girlfriend's,
Cute Kiss: Sister's,
Hottest Kiss: keep your lips on the bike silencer!

You are so far away from me,
many hundreds of miles.
Yet, I see you every day in the following TV Channels:
Animal Planet.
National Geographic.
Cartoon Network.

You are so cute my dear friend:
C: Causing.
U: Unnecessary.
T: Trouble.
E: Everywhere.

You are the most SENTIMENTAL friend of mine:
One percent SENTI
Ninety Nine Percent MENTAL!

I want you to be with me on a cheerful night,
in a nice restaurant,
candlelight dinner,
superb menu,
and say the 3 important words to you.
PAY THE BILL!

Hello, this is All India Anti Sleep Association.
Our aim is to call up everybody,
and disturb the sleep of others.
"Thank you and over".
Sometimes small things in life hurt a lot.
If you don't agree with what I say, try sitting on a pin.

A girl called me last Sunday and told
"Nobody is home. Please come".
I went to her house.
What she said was true:
Nobody was there!

I have lots of jokes in my mobile.
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time.
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
"You are so beautiful"

Do you know what the computer thinks when you sit in front of it?
INTEL Inside.
Mental Outside.
Your words are like Crocin,
Your smile is like Colgate,
Your touch is like zandu balm,
Your presence is like Anacin,
Your SMS is like Vicks action 500,
and that's why I never fall ill!

Without ugliness, there is no beauty in the world.
Without stupidity, there is no intelligence in the world.
So don't worry, you are very much required in this world!

Police have put me in jail,
because I was in possession of GOOD LOOKS.
The police needs an ugly donkey,
to take me out on bail.
So I messaged you!

The Earth might stop revolving,
The stars might stop twinkling,
The birds might stop flying,
The sun might stop glowing,
But your brain will never start working!
A baby pig asks his father:
Father why are we so ugly?
The father says to him:
Don't worry my son,
you should see the one who is reading this msg.

A short story, thrilling and full of suspense till the end. Read on.